Baking Cakes
by qayyumforgood
Summary: Haruhi, Kyon and a bakery. What will happen? One-shot. Complete.


Author's Note: I am not and YOU are responsible for any masturbations that followed from your own disregard for your own reproduction systems from seeing character's illustrations, for the girls dressed indecently for me who currently uses Muslim dress code. This story, however, has no sexual content whatsoever. It is mainly about exploring hidden dynamics of Haruhi and Kyon. No, I will NOT use any Japanese honorifics here for the sake of compactibility. I only referenced Haruhi Suzumiya franchise. Released to public domain.

* * *

 **Baking Cakes**

After school. SOS Brigade room.

Just Haruhi and Kyon. She'd wanted to leave others out, because she had tried to thought of something interesting for them to join, but she cannot come up with anything.

They sat down, and wonder what to do.

"So, what you wanted to do, Haruhi?"

"I don't know - I've been thinking about it myself." She rapidly tapped her finger, and her mind is running fast.

"Let's go outside. We'll look for something to do.", Kyon said.

Along the way, they saw a bakery down the street.

The bakery had warm light.

Kyon said, "Let's go see the bakery."

Haruhi said, "What? You wanted to buy that?"

Kyon said, "No - yes. I wanted to buy, but the bread I have in my hands will be just a token of gratitude. The reason I do that is because we had to see what's inside."

So, Haruhi looked at the bakery. Though it is not unique, like she wanted, it had a warm and homely feeling.

So, Haruhi looked at Kyon. He is looking at a cake.

Haruhi wandered along a while, seeing and seeing, until she see Kyon walking away from the cashier.

She thought, "Those cakes look interesting."

Interesting?

Interesting?

Wait, what is so interesting about cakes?

Is it that you can eat cakes?

She thought, "NO."

Is it that you can look at cakes?

She thought, "Sort of."

Is it that you can bake cakes?

She thought, "Very near."

Is it that you can bake more interesting cakes?

She thought, "YES! THAT'S IT! YES! YES! YES!"

She bragged Kyon right away.

"KYON, I KNOW, I KNOW! LET'S BAKE CAKES!"

Kyon said, "What? Is it a usual thing?"

She said, "NO, IF WE CAN MAKE IT MORE INTERESTING!"

Kyon thought, yeah, if she can make her life interesting, then so, maybe even boring stuff like cakes, she can make it interesting too!

Kyon said, "Well, we should do that! However, firstly, we'll have cooking utensils first."

They share each other's money they saved for the SOS Brigade (because often their activities are outright research and development level of 'cutting edge', so they bombed a lot of money just for experimenting), and buy the most mininal tools for making cakes.

Haruhi said, "We should bake cakes in no time!"

Kyon said, "Baking a cake needs time, Haruhi. Learning how to make cakes also needs time. Haruhi, we should take things steady and slowly. We have not baked our first cake yet! Wait for me to eat the bread. You want some?"

Haruhi accepted. They finished the bread slowly. They calmed down for a while.

Haruhi said, "Well, maybe it's time to call them?"

Kyon said, "NO. Leave our co-workers at their clubs. We will call them once we have something to show."

Then, Haruhi grabs the utensils right away. Haruhi hauled large amonts of them.

Kyon said, "WHOA, WHOA, SLOW DOWN. We don't even have a proper recipe yet to cook. You want to eat your mess until your stomach's full?"

Haruhi said, "YES, WHY NOT? I WILL LIKE MY STUFF ANYWAYS!"

Kyon said, "DO YOU WANT TO EAT YOUR OWN FECES?"

Haruhi stood still. Heaving a hard sigh, she tried, gently, putting the utensils down.

Kyon then pulls off a paper, wanting to make their first recipes. Then, Kyon's hand stuck - he did not know what to write.

Kyon said, "I don't think my family knows too well about cakes. We don't eat much dairy stuff. Do you, Haruhi?"

Haruhi said, "Nope, me neither."

Kyon thought, wait, Librarian's Club. Maybe Yuki Nagato can help.

Yuki sits still in the school library, engrossed in reading "1Q84".

They arrived.

Yuki said, "Yes?"

Kyon said, "Peace, Yuki. Sorry for interrupting. We wanted to ask if there's any books about cakes?"

Yuki thought, wait, cookbooks in the school library? She said, "Nope. No cookbooks here. I suggest we all go to the town library together. By the way, why did you suddenly need cookbooks?"

Haruhi said, "We wanted to make interesting cakes. I think you should join us!"

Kyon said, "Yep, pretty much that sums it up, except that, would you mind?"

Haruhi sheeshed. "Kyon, you silly, they always have time!"

Kyon said, "Then who's going to keep the school library in order then?"

Haruhi said, "Well, what about the librarian?"

Kyon stopped, "Wait, is the librarian still here?"

Yuki said, "Yes, there is. Well, she's only here until 1 pm. After that, she said she will have to be back to look for her parents. I usually keep put here, in case someone stole a book from here. Also, Haruhi, will like to join, liking a break every now and then, but I am stuck with this arrangement."

Haruhi said, "Oh bother."

Kyon sheeshed, "Cheer up, Haruhi. At least Yuki's interested!"

Haruhi silenced, thought for a while. True. It is, Haruhi just realised.

Then Yuki said, "I may not be able to come, but at least, it's an interesting diversion for a while. I'll lock this library immediately, and find the book we want together at the town library. I will put up the sign. Wait for me." Yuki hung a sign, saying the library is closed.

So they went, and they found two books: Baking for Beginners and Simple Cakes to Try. They lent them. Haruhi wished that she could just buy those books or photocopy them. Kyon stated that Haruhi will have to suffer consenquenses if she went against copyright laws.

Haruhi said, "SHEESH. That is disappointing. I hate this world already."

Kyon said, "Now, now, Haruhi, who's going to stop us from making our own recipes? We can refer the recipes from the book, and put our own speciality in it."

Haruhi lit up, and said, "Yeah, why didn't I thought of that before?"

Kyon said, "Didn't you thought of that already?"

Haruhi said, "Yes, then I got... ... ... lost."

Kyon shakes his head, tired of bearing the weight of Haruhi's zany antics.

They said goodbye, and went to their homes.

Another day. SOS Brigade room.

So they get down to read how to make cakes, and once they fully read how to bake cakes, Kyon writes what they will need to do, given their limited equipment.

So Kyon said, "I will start. Now, Haruhi, just look."

So Kyon followed all instruction on baking Kyon's (not Kyon and Haruhi) first cake.

So Kyon's cake gone well, and she thought, "That was quite uneventful."

Kyon tasted the small cupcake. It is pleasant. It is the cookbook's version however.

So Kyon looks at the recipe, and modifies the recipe to suit his taste.

"So, Haruhi, why not we make a cake together?"

"Why I'd wanted to do that? Wait... ... ... alright, alright. Just get this done, Haruhi, just get this done."

So they are halfway, when Haruhi was displeased. "Not unique enough", she said. She looked at the recipe, and she added 'a little soy sauce' to the recipe.

Haruhi said, "So, you're not going to be angry because I've changed your recipe?"

Kyon said, "No, because this is OUR recipe. Whatever you wanted to add, you be my company."

So they baked and tried. Haruhi liked it, it had that twang. Kyon felt that the taste, though pleasant enough, is on the unrefined side.

So, Kyon wanted to refine it, it had that potential. Haruhi just wanted to see if cakes can go along with more bizarre things.

Kyon said, "We'll go step by step. We must finish what we have started first before moving onto the next cake."

Haruhi said, "Kyon, I have a LOT of interesting things I wanted to do than finishing the cake."

Kyon said, "Haruhi, if you don't want to finish it, then let me finish it."

Kyon finished the cupcake, and his previous cupcake. That is some adventure, he thought.

Kyon modified the recipe to include fried anchovies, red onions and a little chilli.

Haruhi said, "How do you know what to put after that?"

Kyon said, "I remember savoury foods and fried anchovies that we eat together. We were lazy that day, and my mom said "Whatever, there's food everywhere in this house.", and just used what is in the kitchen. She ended up doing a tasty thing, rice with black anchovies gravy. We like it so much we ate until the plate is clean. So, the cake - it is salty - it is on the depressed side of the salty - and it makes me remember my mom doing this as she almost panicked on what to cook."

Haruhi said, "Wow, your mom's good at improvising."

Kyon said, "Well, Haruhi, you like your mom's cooking?"

Haruhi said, "Well, my mom's on the lazy side. No, not the clever lazy side, it's the foolish lazy side. We had simple fried rice all week long. I don't know if my mom ever know any better what to cook than that. We often go outside to eat, when I'm not like the myself you see now. I restrained myself when I'm with my family so that I don't want to infict on myself any painful memories there. I envy your mom."

Kyon shook his head, and said, "No wonder you are so willing to do anything interesting."

Haruhi said, "Now you know."

Kyon said, "Hey, Haruhi, just wondered, you want to do this cake thing forever?"

Haruhi said, "NO! I want to do so much more interesting things here! I'm not finished with my school yet! Next time, I will get my co-workers, and we will turn this boring place into a horror house, or a carnival! I DON'T CARE! I WANT MY SHARE OF FUN HERE! I KNOW YOU WANT TOO! SOS BRIGADE IS ALL ABOUT INTERESTING THINGS, ALL YEAR LONG! SOS BRIGADE IS NOT CAKE FACTORY, YOU UNDERSTAND, KYON?"

Kyon said, "Alright, you said it. I agree. However, Haruhi, before going any further, we should at least got up to the point that we can publish our experimental cake recipes. If we can do that, then we will sell everything and thought up another interesting thing to do. You like that, Haruhi?"

Haruhi nodded gleefully.

* * *

They worked a lot, and produced a lot of experimental cakes. Haruhi is the one who will put anything in the cake, mess up the procedure of baking cakes, finding new ways of baking cakes that she can screw up and come up with something new, while Kyon is the refiner, refining Haruhi's absolute disasters to surprisingly edible cakes.

Along the time, Haruhi often invites the co-workers for a dinner of experimental cakes, and they will (on Haruhi's insistence) critisice and banter these recipes, and Haruhi shot the pencil rightwards, writing like madman. However, often enough, Kyon said an essential phrase that describe what Haruhi's looking for: a solution.

For example, Mikuru stated that she completely panned the cake because it is too inconsistent and too sour. Kyon said, "Haruhi, it means that they want you to put less water and reduce the amount of tamarind juice." Haruhi, upon hearing that, writes Kyon's remarks instead.

Sometimes, they arrived and help. Haruhi smiled with that. "I like that we can pull them in like this!", said Haruhi. "Remember, they come from their OWN ACCORD. It's not what you assume it is, Haruhi.", said Kyon.

When they are bored doing cakes, as expected, Haruhi will shot up hand to Kyon, saying, "We need to talk.", and they sit. Haruhi said, "I am bored, let's do something short and interesting."

Kyon said that Haruhi can paste large alien-ish manuscrpts on the wall, or write them on the floor, and let students mystify over their actual meaning. So with Yuki's help in procuring alien-ish mathematics and philospohical writings (most of them specialised enough, but they also do some basic life-affirming excerpts), they managed to paste or write them at the most visible parts of the school, and then the students all come and see the prank, bewildered and funny faces ensues.

They also become them, bewildered at what they saw. Haruhi thought, "That WAS fun." Kyon said nothing and a faint smile appeared. A faint smile appeared! Haruhi smile faintly too, as students crack the alien-ish language like cracking codes, and essentially having fun.

The End.

 _Japanese school library from a YouTube video called 'Exploring a Japanese School: The Library' by 'kawaiijutsu'. 'Pranks' inspired by MIT hackers. Others from author's personal recollections. Haruhi Suzumiya series created by Nagaru Tanigawa and published by Kadokawa Shoten. Made in 16/10/2017 during 'Drastic Family Cleanup' chapter in fan-fiction The McCracken Sisters. This story is released to public domain._


End file.
